If Rumsfeld Were Gay

I read with heart-bursting joy tempered by deep skepticism that there's just a slight chance Donald Rumsfeld could be arrested for ordering torture while he's in France this weekend.
As Rummy would say:
Do I wish I were getting fucked up the ass right now? Sure. Would I like to be blasting a hot load down some muscle-stud's throat? Of course. Would I rather be eating out that same muscle-stud's hole while he fucks some daddy's-boy twink senseless? It goes without saying. But it's not a perfect world, and sometimes instead of getting the filthy, kinky, gayer-than-gay sex you really want, you find that your only choice is to initiate hapless, incredibly ill-conceived and breath-takingly reckless military adventures that ruin the lives of millions, destroy both the credibility and the future prospects for security of the United States, and benefit no one but your overfed, grotesquely self-satisfied cronies. If the American people want to call that poor judgment, we'll just have to agree to disagree.